mencari

i always want to tell someone what i feel about myself. bkn yg psl aku ni suke mkn or suke dga lagu or suke jln or ape. it's about how stubborn i am. sometimes i think this is not myself. are u telling me that u are actually a good, kind, generous, courtosy girl??(｀_´)ゞ
its not like that. u know what. now, i can't listen to other's advice even my murobbi. plus i would rebel. this is exactly not a good thing right. don't you think so? i am 22 and i think i should be more open minded, profesional, cool, calm, but it doesn't happen. more to childish. aishh cmne nk kawen kalau cmni!!! (~_~;) lately, not really. almost this 2 years. when i was a child, teenager, i mean during secondary and high school, i was like a good girl. not really but i used to love study, obeyed what the older said, listened to others advices, and stuff. where could i get the same spirit hah?? and i thought i got scolded by my parents rarely. i guess. tp kdg2 kene gak la. tp penampar xpenah plak kene. pukul pon mcm xde. that was the past. and the present is exactly different. i am the one who always make my parents worry, i am the one who think of my family less than my sisr or my bro. what came out from their mouth were always family matters. yet, i just thought of being travelling all around the world, spending times wif friends and stuff. not only that. when my mom asked me whether i will be back or not, i just answered 'i don't feel like going home'. what the hekhekhek did u done!!!! selfish, selfcentered, rude, stubborn, that is who am i right now. wanna be somebody else. i don't like this kind of myself. i am so tired thinking of this. i guess i need a new "qalb".. as the Imam syafie said, carilah hati kamu dlm 3 keadaan. dlm solat, bacaan alquran dan mengingati mati. jika gagal, mintalah hati yg baru pd Allah. will Him gimme the new one??(−_−＃)

本当の自分を見つけるのは怖い